Tuesday, March 31, 2015

The March Project 2015

Match 1

Fritata brunch brings her
out of her depression bed.
"What vegetables are in it?" she says.
"Onions, mushrooms, and green peppers," I say.
"We'll add red peppers next time," he says.
"And no cheese either," she adds.

March 2

Four and a half hours of sleep
Then four am pee
Then caffeine free diet pepsi
Then try to sleep to sports radio wfan
Then up at six
Then take one of mom's just purchased store brand excedrin pm's
Then try to sleep to sports radio wfan
Then up at 730 for good

March 3

when you stay in a bad marriage,
and your mom attempted on multiple occasions to help you exit it,
don't blame her later on for said bad marriage.
that's all.

March 4

outside for doctor's quarterly,
hey-how-you-doing-you-diabetic check
i cvs
3 two-liter diet cokes, 1 two-liter diet dr pepper
(the 4 for $5)
one box of mini charleston chews
($1.67, regular price, and geared for my freezer)
and two large bags of lay's chips
(the 2 for $5, meaning a trip to gristedes for sour cream for onion dip, the onion soup of which i've just been told has msg)

March 5

how do you keep something inside
when you don't keep anything inside?
and who do you need keep it to
the heavier it gets.

March 6

dad returns to the breakfast table
where his coffee sits
alongside a bowl of multigrain cheerios.
he has two packets in his hand,
one sweet 'n low and one equal.

"no," i tell him.
he gives me a kinda sheepish look,
sits down,
and sprinkles the equal on his cereal
atop of the fresh blueberries and the strawberries.

March 7

drive folks to hartford connecticut
to youngest niece in musical rent
so almost 85-year-old dad can relax
near the 100 mile mark of 124 mile trip
in bumper to bumper traffic
begin breaking later and later
closer and closer
before telling my dad i was pulling over

March 8

after hearing my college senior niece michelle,
as her character maureen in the musical rent exclaim to her lesbian partner
"I didn't stay and dance at the Clit Club that night, 'cause you wanted to go home..."
i tell her how i once danced at the clit club with rachel sanders.
i don't remember whose decision it was to go home.

March 9

ride with folks from hartford connecticut
from seeing youngest niece in musical rent
make almost 85-year-old dad drive so i don't crash us
he drives the whole 124 mile trip
never pulling over

March 10

helping you's not helping me,
blaming you's not blaming me,
the catching up is the hardest part.

March 11

alarm set for 10:48 a.m.
between resetting it
and snoozing it along,
arise at around 1:30
rinse blueberries and cut up strawberries
for breakfast watching the chew and the view
around late awakening mom,
head to the kitchen,
squeeze two lemons into water,
head downstairs to boog from behind
tuned into glee and last two girls
catching up a bit, optimistic, yes i am.

March 12

our roy rogers
is now a mcdonald's

March 13

(sing like a green day song)

i wish i was an only child
kind of am one now,
two siblings too many
just wanna say ciao

brother in florida
a thousand miles away,
wouldn't matter if he were down the block,
sister nearby but wish she wasn't anymore
when i see her name on caller id i shake a little
want time to go faster than a little tick tock

i wish i was an only child
kind of am one now,
two siblings too many
just wanna say ciao

March 14

today is pi day,
3.14 day
some smarty folks,
are getting married today
because it's 3.14.15 day,
the exact expression of the first five digits of pi,
and i guess that's as good a way to pick your wedding date, right?

March 15

from slacking
catching up

from working
falling behind

March 16

pack up
ride to city with dad
who has doctors' appointments
mom can't get out from under the covers
watch car,
work in car,
sleep in reclined seat in car,
save paying dollars to park car,
while dad's in his doctors' appointments,
decide to head back home with dad
to try and get mom out from under the covers,
head to my apartment to get more meds.

March 17

party on
depression dimmed
party on?

March 18

if you can't breathe
let's do something about it
i like it better when you breathe

March 19

dad in the hospital
he should be at soon,
mom wants to wake him up
i say let him sleep
lets hang in the waiting room

March 20

there are only 6,000 plumbers in the state of new jersey
and all i want to do
is tell you this.

March 21

one filet of fish is $.29
two filet of fishes are $4
we buy four filet of fishes,
buy two french fries at burger king,
where the fries are fried separate from everything else

March 22

my dad's roommate at the hospital
is not the best patient
is not a good patient
is the kind of patient
you marvel at the patience of nurses patient
the hope he really is being released tomorrow patient kind of patient

March 23

we're out of decaf coffee cups for the keurig for mom
and dad doesn't get coffee in the hospital
so an early afternoon trip to mcdonald's
where every size coffee is a dollar,
a dollar!,
takes care of them both.

March 24

shopping for household stuff my dad normally shops for
multi-roll packages of bounty paper towels
32 rolls of charmin ultra strong toilet paper
some raw almonds
to accompany the a&w diet cream
and minneola oranges for dad,
put all of his stuff on the table in his hospital room,
sit in the recliner while he sleeps

March 25

brought four arnold palmer zeroes,
half iced tea & half lemonade,
for drink while visiting my dad in the hospital,
i drink a couple of apple juice juice boxes
i scored fro the kosher pantry,
watch johnson family vacation,
and a few hours later
mom and me ready to leave,
and i look to my left
and find a plastic bag filled with those
four arnold palmer zeroes,
half iced tea & half lemonade.

March 26

fresh blueberries
and cut up strawberries
breakfast on folks' bed
i have trader joe's rice krispies
mom has cheerios, the real kind,
but won't get out of bed to visit dad in the hospital
depression makes it a long five minutes away

March 27

remind folks of my first niece's
their first granddaughter's birthday
dad calls her
begins to sing happy birthday,
mom and me join in soon after,
then dad talks to her,
then mom,
i skip it because i've never heard from her on my birthday,
and i'm over it already.

March 28

cutting strawberries
to go along with whole blueberries
is a sort of ritual in my parents' house,
this morning no different,
mom's portion with cheerios,
mine with corn flakes
from the biggest box of corn flakes
since the one my parents sent to my first albany apartment
when i was working on american history master's,
the box that on the outside said
inside 3-d legends of baseball baseball card,
my card being old oriole first baseman boog powell,
and my soon-to-start small press had a namesake.

March 29


out, he's out
my dad is out
of the hospital
13 days is a long time
but out, he's out
my dad is finally out
because 13 days is a long time
and it's over now

March 30

sleeping in,
up to pee,
grab some of the melting night ice
and drink some caffeine free diet pepsi,
sleep back,
pee again,
grab last of the melting night ice
and drink some more caffeine free diet pepsi,
sleep once more
not ready to wake,
first morning dad's home from hospital,
he asks me to come up,
his nurse's aide is due shortly,
and mom's stuck in bed,
i spring upstairs.

March 31

post dad in hospital
mom doesn't get up, again,
dad can't dive right now,
so drive him to city
to heart doctor
then to urologist
sitting in both appointments
to listen, to ask any questions,
tired, a bit afraid to drive,
but dad is crazy dizzy, tired,
so i drive